I feel like a lot of my friends are throwing around the phrase Boss Babe as a badge of honor. I was chatting with a friend and fellow small business owner and she mentioned that she attends a monthly networking event for women called “Boss Babes.” Can I be honest with you- I immediately disliked it- on multiple levels. First, I don’t hear my husband going to networking opportunities with his “Boss Bros” so why are we choosing to call ourselves “Boss Babes” and undermine our capabilities as women in leadership? And the second reason it gave me the ick- was when she described the meetings it felt like a lot of shameless self-promotion, it took me right back to a high school popularity contest. Our conversation forced me to stop and ask myself:

Why are women striving to be independent, ambitious, self-made leaders when we already know how God designed us to be? And isn’t there a better way?

After graduating college- I was on the “gotta prove myself” train. I think I described myself in cover letters as driven, confident, independent, and ambitious. I worked hard on my personal “brand”- I was the woman who never said no, always wore clothes as bright and colorful as her personality, I was organized and never forgot anything, and always was the first one in and the last one out. And I was good at it until I wasn’t.

Over the last five years- I’ve had to unlearn all the things about leadership that society and culture have taught and replace it with what I know to be true- Scripture. Friend, I pray that if you’re in a professional situation where you feel like you have to do it, be it all, never drop the ball, or be independent, confident, ambitious and driven- that you’ll take comfort in the truth I want to share with you.

As women, as leaders- our priority is to sit at the feet of Jesus, to dwell in his presence, and not run onto the next task on our to-do list to prove ourselves. I love the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10. A few summers ago, my small group and I walked through Joanna Weaver’s book, Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World. It is an incredible, life-changing resource. If you haven’t read it yet, you can snag a copy here. Focus Kati: the point of my bringing it up is that our leadership ability, design, and impact flow out of our intimacy with the Savior.

So often, as we adopt a boss-babe mentality, we adopt the mindset of Martha. We welcome those into our homes, our jobs, our small groups, and our ministries, and we spend so much time rushing to prepare, to get everything perfect and just right- we forget the one necessary thing. I’ve been the gal who chose to go to work early and come home late, missing out on time with family or taking care of myself- only to learn that to my employer, in my job, in a broken world, I am replaceable.

Whereas leading from an intimacy that flows from our Savior is the complete opposite. For Mary, for the disciples- their ability to share the Gospel, to be leaders in the early church and in their communities was in direct relation to the amount of time they sat in the presence of Jesus. In the presence of Jesus, we are reminded that we are precious, in the presence of Jesus, we are reminded that humility bears more weight than ambition, in the presence of Jesus, we are reminded that others are more important.

As I’ve slowly relearned and spoken the truth over myself about my identity as a leader and daughter of the Lord Almighty, I’ve realized a few things:

I love Joanna Weaver’s quote, “Like Jesus, we must be about our Father’s business. The closer we draw to the heart of the Father, the more we see his heart for the world. And so, we serve, we minister, and we love.” As we release the mindset of what it means to be a successful female leader today, I pray that we would draw closer to the heart of the Father. That we would sit at the feet of the Savior, learning from Him how to love, serve and minister as humble servants.

With you and for you,